Tim on a path

Where are we?

As holiday plans turn to memories once again, I become introspective if not outright pensive. I remember all of the plans I made, all the proclamations and grandiose pontifications on who I would be by this time, and muster up the courage to compare myself against them. Rarely, if ever, do I find myself anywhere near those ideals. A few times I actually did run those half marathons. Perhaps once I followed through long enough to attain the lofty future I set for myself. If these were OKRs, they'd be red and I'd be fired.

And that's the rub to me about these internal goals: there are no immediate consequences when I fail to reach them. Sure, I will live years if not decades less due to my vices and lifestyle choices. But today while I'm in the now, I don't see those consequences so they aren't real -- not yet. How do we persevere long enough, staying focused on the right goals day in and day out, in order to achieve these internal goals when the immediate consequences feel in some way worse by choosing that perseverance? It hurts today to go to the gym, so how do I go to the gym so I hurt less?

This is something that has perplexed me for decades. Why is the Good Choice not the immediately beneficial one? Why must a muscle be broken in order to grow back stronger? Why must I run in order to get the endorphins and health benefits? Why are we designed so that by suffering, or rather by delaying gratification, we are grown? I mean, my body could produce all these beneficial chemicals as if I had ran. It's not that when I run, God magically injects my legs with endorphins or there's some magic incantation being cast upon me. It just so happens that when I run long enough there's some process in my body that responds to that running by releasing all of the chemicals. It has the ability to do that whenever, it just so happens to respond to certain stimuli.

So now, in order to actually get a better life, I have to toil day in and out, while by body yells and screams at me to stop. That's a crap deal my dude! Why was I not born with an innate desire to make the Good Choice? Why must God make us into new wineskin, instead of us having the correct wineskin to begin with? Why can't I just want to be a good husband and father, why must I struggle with this selfishness?

As the sages once said "If you want fair, go to Pomona." I have no earthly idea why we have to struggle and wrestle with these things -- I just know that we have to. We either struggle here in the now or we reap the consequences in the decades to come. I don't even mean the cosmic, spiritual consequences or whatever your idea of afterlife may be. I mean living a life dictated by your flesh leads to outcomes that are distinct from a life dictated by some other goal or force. Our choices today define that future self and it is that struggle and consequence that I am calling into mind here. That struggle is what I want to share with you.

There's a dearth of honest open living. Social media is plastered with vapid chasing of engagement, the algorithms deciding what beliefs and thoughts get shown to you based on if it makes you engaged and not better. This project, Tim on a Path, is a small drop in the ocean of noise but one that hopes to be honest and open about these struggles and how I think God wants me to deal with them. This honest, open struggle is where we are starting but the goal is what really matters.

Why are we here?

I'm a nobody who knows nothing from nowhere. Don't take any of this project as anything but the ramblings of a fellow believer. However.

The Christian church in America is lackadaisical at its best. We have grown apathetic to the core tenants of our faith -- Love God and love our neighbor -- and as a result not only has God's church suffered but the communities we are supposed to support and bless are suffering and degrading. We serve the Almighty God whose blessings overflow our own cups and yet we do not feed or clothe our neighbors. Our churches have become entertainment centers and a weekly social gathering, denoting the In Group from the Out Group, with some vague promise of a reward for being in the In Group and some punishment for the Out.

We have built up dams around the wells of grace, anointing those we understand to be holy or an Insider with it and keeping it from those we deem as an Outsider. We have used this overflow of grace to allow ourselves every gluttony, as long as there was some other group doing some other things that we could say are Outside. We have loved those that have loved us and we have reaped our reward. But it doesn't have to be this way -- God's church is called to be better. My hope is that through this project, we together as God's church can learn of a better way of being disciples of Christ. Not by me or through me, as I am just a facilitator for what I hope God decides to do with this. But I think there are others out there that see something is wrong with the church and want to find a better way to serve Christ -- something more than being a greeter on Sundays or attending a small group once or twice a month.

This project is my journey, or Path if you will, on trying to understand what God wants from a modern church and Christian community. How can we actively live out these ancient values in a world that the authors could not even begin to comprehend? How do we raise children of God in a society where Otherkin may actually be something they experience? How can we serve those that mean us or our neighbors harm? Who are our neighbors? The Word of God is alive but our churches are not showing us how and this project is my attempt to not only become equipped but to equip others on this Path for God's glory alone.

My dream is that through this project, a community is built that is solely focused on God, lowering ourselves in order to serve others, for God's kingdom. A community where we can truly share in each other's burdens, weeping when others weep, rejoicing when they rejoice. A community centered around the idea that because we were shown grace, we can show that same grace to others, both inside and outside of God's church. A community living in the Kingdom of God, bringing Heaven to Earth, and blessing the communities we find ourselves in. A community of disciples of Christ who are able to make disciples of Christ. A dream as impossible for man as it is possible for God.

Where are we going?

So how in the world are we going to do that? That's the neat part, I have no idea! Once again, I have set myself lofty goals with no immediate consequence and no clear path towards making progress. However, I do have a plan. Right now, I am surrounding myself with elders in prayer about what this is and what God is asking from me and us, meeting monthly. Those meetings should lead to actionable plans and honest critique of my current understanding. While that is happening, I will be creating content that both shows my current struggles and how I am leaning into Spiritual Disciplines in order to overcome those struggles, but also the occasional tidbits of personal theology in order to better express my reasoning and beliefs. My plan is that through these two avenues I will at the very least have grown closer to God and better understand His will for my own life. My hope is that a community is born, sharing in these struggles, and we teach each other.

“Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore, seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand.”

― St. Augustine of Hippo